


Dull Ache

by deathclassic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Headaches, Hospital, Injury, M/M, Seizure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 14:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12773034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathclassic/pseuds/deathclassic
Summary: It started with a headache





	Dull Ache

**Author's Note:**

> unedited, it took em 2 hours to write, i probably got a lot of info and medical terms wrong but enjoy

It started off as a dull throbbing in his temples that came and went every few weeks. He'd wake up with a slight pain and groan in annoyance at it's occurrence, pop a paracetamol and be on his way with his day. 

He's had these headaches for a while now, for at least the last three months; maybe longer. But they weren't a big deal. He wasn't worried about them and he didn't want Phil to worry. Phil is a hypochondriac and would search for Dan's symptoms on Google and diagnose with brain cancer before Dan could even blink. A slight exaggeration but not far stretched. 

The pain started getting worse over the course of the next month, it was probably stressed related. They had announced their second world tour and a lot of the venues needed to be confirmed and ticketing needed some extra information. Emails were being rapidly sent and they were constantly talking to someone on the phone. He needed to film another video for his main channel, it was his turn to edit the gaming video and he was working with a charity to help with cyberbullying. 

"Dan" Phil snapped his fingers in front of Dan's face, close enough to startle him out of a daydream. Dan blinked slowly and realised they were filming, the Sims open on the computer in front of him and the camera on "You just completely zoned out"

"Sorry" Dan smiled apologetically. A sharp stabbing sensation drumming into the back of his head. "Okay what were we doing again?"

"Choosing Dil's dog" Phil looked at him, analysed him in a way that made Dan uncomfortable. "Are you okay? You look quite pale"

"I'm fine" Dan smiles again and scrolls down the list of dogs available "We could get Dil a fox"

"A fox is not a dog" Phil says. They focus on filming for another hour, Phil doesn't mention it and Dan doesn't bring it up. 

 

~

 

A steady beep is filled the room, he can't see anything in this room. There's yelling and noise everywhere. 

"He needs-"

"Help"

Hands are all over his body, touching him and he wants to yell for Phil but he can't open his mouth. Lights are appearing in patches of red and orange, his eyes must be shut. Where's Phil? He needs him. He wants Phil. He wants Phil. He wants -

 

"Dan!" Phil's loud voice brings Dan out of this dream. A dream that felt so real. But Phil's here, Phil's here and gripping onto his bicep like his life depended on it. "You were shaking in your sleep and you kicked me awake, what happened?"

"Bad dream" is all Dan says before shifting his body closer to Phil's just to make sure he was really there. He was. Phil was lying next to him in their king size bed, wearing his Star Wars pyjama bottoms and an old Pokemon shirt, hair tousled like he'd been moving around in his sleep and eyes unfocused. It was comforting knowing how normal this is, how normal it is for them to sleep in the same bed and bring the other back to reality. 

"Did you want to talk about it?" Phil asks, voice thick with sleep. At any other time Dan would think it was sexy, arousing even but right now it was anything but. 

"I couldn't find you" is all Dan says before Phil's got his arm around Dan's body and bringing him closer than they already were. 

"You'll always find me"

 

~

 

He feels like he's walking in a dream world. He feels hazy and everything around him isn't real. The cereal he's pouring doesn't feel right, he feels like he's not pouring it but someone else is. He doesn't remember getting the bowl out of the cupboard or the spoon out of the utensil drawer nor does he remember getting the milk out of the fridge or what cereal is his. He feels like he's on autopilot and then Phil's standing next to him. 

"Eating my cereal today are we?" Phil teases "Payback for me eating yours?"

"Yeah" Dan says back, a little laugh in his voice like he took Phil's cereal on purpose rather than on accident "You cereal thief"

"Lucky for you I'm in a toast mood today" Phil takes the loaf of bread out of the bread bin sitting next to the microwave "Toasty toast with butter and marmalade for the gods, I would make sweet, sweet love to marmalade if I could"

"You could" Dan picks up the bowl of cereal he doesn't remember making and makes his way to the dining room table "But say good bye to making sweet, sweet love to me because I'm sure as hell not letting a marmalade dick anywhere near me" He ignores the squawks coming from Phil as he smiles to himself and sits at his chair. 

"He's going to be okay, right?" 

"Did you say something?" Dan asks Phil, his body swiveling to face his boyfriend. 

"No?" Phil furrows his eyebrows and looked cautiously over the top of his glasses. Now Dan is confused, he had clearly heard someone asking if he's going to be okay, not even knowing who he is, and the only other someone in this apartment is Phil. "Did you hear something?"

"No, must've been something else" Dan smiles reassuringly as Phil keeps looking over at him. He didn't want Phil to worry. He never wants to make him worry. He brings his pointer finger up to his temple and rubs it softly, trying to ease the ache that's starting. It's fine. 

 

~

 

Dan's filming a gaming video when he starts tasting petrol or something very similar to the smell of a service station. He crinkles his nose at the taste and reaches down to the floor to have a drink of water that he'd brought in with him. He coughs as the taste of petrol stays in his mouth and Phil stops playing the game knowing this would be edited out. 

"Ready to continue?" Phil asks taking a sip of water himself. Dan coughs again, almost retches at the taste in his mouth and nods, picking up the controller and continuing like nothing was wrong. 

Except something was wrong. They filmed for another half an hour, the awful taste in his mouth never leaving and they've had to pause three more times so he could drink some water and cough. There's a distant ringing in his ears, this sometimes happens when the game has been too loud so he reaches up and scratches at his ears nonchalantly in an attempt to stop the ringing. 

The pain in his head is back, pounding away from all directions. He thought the previous migraine was bad but this? This was the worst pain he had ever experienced. He could faintly hear Phil calling out to him but it sounded muffled and far away as the chair slid out from underneath from where he was perched on the edge of the seat and he fell backwards onto the tiled floor with a loud smack, hitting his head in the process. 

Phil didn't know what to do. In his entire 30 years of living, he's never witnessed someone having a seizure. That's what was happening. Dan was having a seizure. His muscles were tensing and jerking around in an uncoordinated fashion, his head hitting the wheels of the chair that had moved during the fall. He could move the chair, Phil thought, move the objects around him to make it easier. He was panicking, he didn't know what to do, how to help Dan as he shook on the floor, his lips turning blue and a dark patch forming around his crotch. He frantically scrambled around, shakily grabbing the phone closest to him and dialing the emergency number. 

"Please! My boyfriend" Phil all but shouts down the phone "He's having a seizure, I don't know what to do, he's turning blue! Please, help!" 

Dan's not aware of what's happening, he's in pain but he can't comprehend exactly where the pain is coming from. His legs and head probably but it's hard to tell. He can hear Phil screaming, there's a lot of screaming and yelling, a beep being heard every few seconds. He can feel his body arch and he wants to scream out in pain, yell that it hurts but he can't. He can feel hands on him, a lot of hands but he's not sure where they are on his body. He wants to reach out for Phil but he doesn't know where Phil is, it's the dream all over again. 

"You have to wake up, Dan!" Phil shouts as darkness overcomes

 

Dan gasps and opens his eyes to an overbearingly white room. It's so white that it's hurting his already sore eyes. He closes them again and tries to open them again, it feels like hours before he could open his eyes. Like he could breathe after being submerged in water for a long period of time, gasping and gagging at the breathing mask covering his mouth and nose. He slowly brings his hand up to try and take it off but a hand stops him from doing so. His mind immediately goes to Phil but it doesn't feel like his hand, a touch he's grown so used to. He looks at the fingernails, elegant and long but void of any sort of polish and his eyes travel up the arm and to the face of his mother. 

 

"Don't move it, sweetie" She says softly "I've already called for the doctor"

 

Doctor. His mind was still fuzzy, nothing felt real and it was why he didn't comprehend the fact he was in hospital. Now that he had gathered where he was, he could start piecing together what little information he had. He looked down at his body, it seemed smaller than he remembered, he hadn't been this thin in a very long time. Looking back up to his mother, a lock of curly brown hair fell into his face, when did his hair get this long?

 

"Mum?" He whispered 

"Yes?" She asked, crouching down next to his bed. "Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital" He murmured slowly, eyes darting around the white room. A familiar, steady beep of his heart rate in the background, filling up the silences. 

"That's right" She says softly, letting her hand grip onto his own. He wasn't sure if it was to comfort him or herself. "Do you remember what happened?"

He pauses, looking for the words to say. "I was with Phil" he started, speaking slowly as he tried to remember the words he wanted to say "And I had a headache and I fell"

"You were with Phil?" she asks, eyes wide in shock. Dan nodded awkwardly, his neck hurt and made it difficult to nod. Before his mum could say anything, a doctor walked in and greeted his mum with a polite nod. 

"I see you're awake Mr Howell" he starts off and flips onto another page on the clipboard and hooks it over the end of his bed. "Let me remove the mask and then I have a few questions for you"

Dan coughs once the mask is removed properly and takes a few deep breaths to get used to breathing on his own once again. The doctor handed him a plastic cup which he shakily held and took a sip out of, he spluttered all the water out of his mouth and let it dribble down his chin as he attempted a second sip to soothe his throat that hadn't been used in so long. 

The doctor gave him an overall check up, making sure everything seemed alright and that he wasn't in any serious pain. 

"Okay" he started grabbing a pen out of his coat pocket and the clipboard. "On a scale of 1-10, how much pain are you in?"

"6" he replied after a few moments to think about it. His head was annoying him but it wasn't bothering him that much, his left leg had an ache to it as well. He told the doctor so. 

"The pain in your leg is normal after amputation, you may feel like your leg is still there hence we call it a phantom limb and we can get some morphine for the headache, surgery can do that to you" he looks over to Dan once he hears the rustling of the crinkly sheets. Dan's glancing down at his leg, there was only one. He shakily brings a hand up to his head, feeling slightly greasy hair and then a large patch that feels like velvet. He runs his hand curiously over the area and hisses when his fingers hit a large area of raised skin and stitches. While he was trying to gather his thoughts about all the overwhelming information he's received, his mother quietly tells the doctor what Dan had told her previously, that he doesn't know how he was really admitted and how he lost his leg. He purses his lips and nods tightly before turning back to Dan. 

"Mr Howell" he clears his throat "Mr Howell, can you tell me about Phil?"

"Phil" Dan repeats "He's my boyfriend"

"How long have you known Phil?"

"8 years"

"When did you meet Phil?"

"We met in person on the 19th of October 2009" his mum has a hand covering her mouth and the doctor looks grim. As he jots down what Dan has said. 

"Mr Howell, do you know what date it is?" he asks. Dan thinks about it and shakes his head, no. "It's 5th of November 2009"

"No" Dan shakes his head. "It's not"

"It is" the doctor shows Dan the date on his iPhone, the 3GS. 

"Where's Phil?" Dan demands, a sudden burst of anger shooting through him. "Where is he? Why isn't he here?"

"Phil's at his house, honey" his mum answers carefully "I didn't know how to contact him and tell him what happened. Your phone was destroyed and we didn't know what to do"

"Mr Howell" the doctor suddenly asks "Do you know why you're here?"

"I told you" Dan gritted his teeth. "I fell off my chair and something happened"

"You were in a serious car crash, Mr Howell" he says "You were hit by a speeding drunk driver who pushed your car into a tree on the 18th of October this year. You were on your death bed and we had no choice but to put you in a medically induced coma due to the excruciating pain you were experiencing. Your left leg was completely shattered and damaged too many nerves for us to save and you had severe head injuries following the crash. You experienced several seizures including one that left you not breathing a few days ago, we had to restart your heart and use a defibrillator. You're extremely lucky to be alive right now"

 

Dan's mind was whirling, it started hurting more and more and his eyes became glossy. He made no move to wipe away the tears as the information sinks in. His life that he built with Phil wasn't real, he only had two videos on his YouTube channel, the world tours didn't happen, the book didn't happen. He hasn't even met Phil. Phil doesn't know what happened. 

The last thought is what makes him cry the most, thinking about Phil being confused about Dan not answering his messages that he most likely left on all of his social media accounts and in his text messages, maybe Phil went to the train station anyway; just in case, only to find Dan not there getting off the train and the next eight years never happened. 

Their plans for the future weren't going to happen, the tabs that were left open on Dan's computer with houses big enough for the two of them and more, the tabs for the local animal shelter on Phil's laptop where they were looking for the perfect dog for them. The world tour won't happen and their future together won't happen. 

 

He wishes he fucking died in the crash because this, this is the most painful thing he has ever experienced in his entire life.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are appreciated


End file.
